Thinking Out Loud

I've been trying to write something on here for months. In fact, I have about 5 posts deleted half way and 3 that are saved and not published. I feel scattered and not with it. It's like running a marathon without training for it. Life has been like that lately. Even though we try our best to not get too busy, there always seems to be something. I guess I can count them as blessings. We have friends, a community where I feel very much a part of and an active family. But sometimes it's nice to be able to hear myself think, instead of hearing impatience in my voice as I hustle my kids from one place to another.

Initially, this blog was started after much encouragement from a small number of friends who have read my writing. Most of my earlier writings were based on my memory of special events or my 'deep thoughts'. Later, I started adding some updates on my creative stuff and nice photos I took. I never wanted to bore anyone with my day to day mundaneness. With the presence of online social networking available to us, our lives are rather exposed. I can find out what most of my friends had for breakfast by a click of a mouse or satisfy myself with the delusion that I have 'socialized' without leaving the house or seeing anyone. It's fun and yet intrusive. It's perfect though, right? (*insert sarcasm here*) We are all so busy with our activities and families. We have no time for each other.......This goes against everything I believe! I have always never wanted to be 'too busy' to share a cup of tea with a friend, or 'too busy' to help a person in need. I wanted myself and my home to be available and open to anyone that may pass through. Old friends, new friends and strangers. I want to be able to say "hi, how are you?" and actually take time to listen to the answer.

I have also been thinking lately a lot about the 'online image'. I read many blogs, mostly of artsy people that I don't know. Their work and lives inspire me in my artsy stuff. Most of these blogs have beautiful photographs and inspiring writings. Children running through a forest with the most gorgeous handmade dresses and playing with beautiful wooden toys. I am drawn to a life like that. I can't help though, wondering if their lives are really like that. I mean it really is easy to create an image of myself on here as I want to. I can take photos of my children when I am doing some inspiring activities with them and a little help from the photoshop. It's easy for me to mislead you to think that I am this super mom that does all these creative things with them. It's an easy trap for any of us. But I desire to be real. I desire to be "what you see is what you get". Nothing more, nothing less. I am a woman who struggle in my day to day stuff. I get impatient with my kids. Somedays, I wake up thinking where along the way have I lost myself? I look in the mirror and see an empty shell not recognizing what I see.

I am trying to recognize that weaknesses and mistakes are okay. I need to make that into something tangible so I can use them as fuel or even the inspiration to reach something greater and wonderful. When I regret what I said to my kids or how I treated them, I must acknowledge that to move forward.

I am writing all of this to say I am going to write more often of boring stuff on here. It's going to be more like a journal. I may even pretend that I don't have an audience. There, that was long and well, ....boring.

We Call Her 'Goldilocks'

For 12 years, this is what she has done while we are out......

Life's Awesome Moments

I felt a sense of triumph and delight when I saw my 6 yr old colored a picture of a hen with a clutch of eggs and she had colored the eggs brown.

An Artist's Confession

I just signed up for a table at the local Christmas Market. When I paid my deposit, a friend asked me, "oh good! You are going to have a table!" And I replied, "well, maybe"...To be honest, I am scared to death about this. I tend to put expectations on myself that I cannot attain. I hate what I turn into 2 weeks before the market.

I am a procrastinating perfectionist. I procrastinate because of the fear of failure. You take this and add a table spoon of female emotions and you will have a psychopath artist whom people avoid and pity. I suppose all the great artists in history were somewhat eccentric or just plain weird.

I sat down and made a list of things I wanted to have at the table. It looked pretty awesome and exciting, but I knew full well that what I will have is less than half of what is on my list. I take comfort in the fact my table will be shared with 2 friends. I hope they bring lots of bulky stuff.

I wonder if it is the time management skill that I lack or it is the presence of fear. I need to figure that out quickly because if it is the time management skill I need to learn, I just have to get out of my jammies little sooner in the morning, but otherwise I may need some expensive psychological treatment.

I hope the sarcasm in this post was more than obvious. I will be fine. Really. I just needed to vent a little and I will have the most awesome table out there. See you all at the Market.

A New Camera.....

.....makes a messy kitchen look rather artistic.

Wise Words from a Wise Bear

• Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.
  
  
• Nobody can be un-cheered with a balloon.
  
  
• Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.
  
  
• If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
  
  
• A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference.
  
  
• Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.
  
  
• If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.
  
  
• If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.
  
  
• If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever
  
  
• It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
  
  
• You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.
  
  

A Little Update

For the lack of inspirational things to say......

* Spoiled rotten on mother's day

* Finished reading "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle"

* Vowed to cook more interesting salads this summer

* Made Black Bean Salad & Greek Quinoa Salad--Keepers!!

* New sewing machine

* Sold 3 more pouches

* Made a tote--great reviews by friends

* Need more time to sew

* Thought "Benjamin Button" was interesting and handsome

* Preparing for my baby to turn 2

* Started Aquasize

* Parents coming for a visit in about a month

* Still hoping to go to Oregon

* Really hoping to go to Oregon

* Very likely going to Oregon

* Vegetable garden growing

* Flowers growing

* Bought a Bamboletta doll for Tori

* Maya had her big haircut to give her hair for Cancer society

* Loving the hot weather

* Loving Mulbec wine

* frantically gathering ideas for father's day

* Anticipating a great summer with the kids

* Loving my family more than ever

* Missing my veggie burgers

* Anxiously waiting for the fruit, veggie and corn trucks

* Hoping someone will offer me some raspberries this summer

* Looking for a great cupcake recipe

* General disposition--content

* Hoping to help girls make a lemonade stand

* Wanting to read "Three Cups of Tea" next

* Craving fresh fish

* Waiting for my Kale seeds

* Hoping to make time to do some mosaic

* Really wanting to mosaic around my front door

* Still Lusting after this purse

Good Eaters

One day, I was feeding my kids Kraft Dinner (GASP!).  I felt bad about feeding them something so awful and packed with calories.  So, to compensate that, I had a side of fresh grapes and sugar snap peas.  My kids were forgetting about the bright orange noodles which possibly grow in the dark and gobbling up the fruits and veggies.  

I stopped them at one point and told them, "stop eating so much veggies, if you finish your noodles, you can have some more!!"  Huh??  

Yesterday, I caught Scott telling them not to eat so much asparagus and broccoli, partly because there were still people who needed to dish up their dinner.  But we often catch ourselves doing this.  

My kids' favorite food.......Quinoa, Asparagus, broccoli, SUSHI!!, veggie burgers (with quinoa, portobello and zucchini), Avocado, Calamari, Shrimp, Salmon...

I love my good eaters.

A True Canadian

The day Obama was elected US president, Maya told me that 'WE' had a new president and she recognized his face at the magazine rack in the grocery store.  'I learned about him at school'.

I asked her if she knew who Canada's prime minister was.  She looked puzzled saying, 'what's a prime minister?'

Dog Tired

Hubby was supposed to be gone for 2 nights, but now it's been a whole week.  Girls and I are doing relatively well.  Tonight, baby pooped in the tub (with all 3 girls in it), so the bath took twice longer.  My kitchen is still a mess, dogs still need dinner.  I still should clean out the tub and the living room.  I really want to cut the gorgeous red velour fabric for the purse I want to make.  I also really want to finish my book tonight and call hubby and wish him 'good-night'.  There is never enough time in a day.....

Maybe I should just forget everything and go to bed....

Please Use the Front Door

One culture shock you may encounter if you were to move to the little town I live is that about 90% of homes here has a handwritten paper sign taped to their front door, which reads, “Please Use the Back Door!”. I hope this doesn’t come across as a criticism, but rather I find it kind of funny. If you come to my house, a freshly painted red door (which was my birthday present from Scott) and flowers in planters and wind chimes will welcome you at the front door. But if you come to my back door, you will have to first get licked to death by my friendlier- than - normal two Golden Retrievers, and before you get to see some smiling faces, you will have to climb through my recycling, million pairs of shoes, the trash I plan to take out, and rhubarbs and zucchinis and backpacks and umbrellas. I’m wondering what the reasons are for those signs. Maybe some of you who live here can enlighten me. Come over and share a pot of tea with me. And please use the front door!