Saturday, January 31, 2009

I Like Me

“When in Rome, do as Romans do”–I learned that in Grade 10 English class. One of those meaningless phrases you cannot use outside of your foreign language classroom. Other favorites including “Dolphins are mammals” and “The library is on the 13th floor”. However, over the years, I have actually used the “Rome” phrase a number of times outside of my English classroom.

In the recent months, I have been through a pleasant journey of getting to know myself. The person who’s always been there and yet struggled to let herself known. The person who’s yearning to be discovered and to be accepted and appreciated. It’s been fun, really. I’ve always been the kind of a person who goes by the flow…not making any waves. Not letting others know what I really think or what I really like. “People pleaser” being my middle name. After all these years of wearing different masks depending on the circumstances or who I’m with, I saw that I was living my life only to please other people. I always wondered why alot of people never understood me or I almost never got what I wanted for Christmas or birthdays. Maybe that will change, now that I’ve made my choice to live out loud and wholeheartedly what I am.

I am seeing that there are many different angles to this new life. I have been particularly enjoying eating what I really enjoy regardless of the company I’m with. I like Sushi, vegetarian food, and ethnic food. I used to hide my food if I knew that the person that stopped by my house didn’t like what I was eating. I love to cook and I’ve been told I am a fantastic cook. But when bringing a meal to a friend, I fret over it so much and end up making ‘normal’ things like spaghetti or casserole which I never ever make for my family. Recently, I made veggie burgers to an unknown crowd. I knew I was feeding a group but I didn’t know exactly who. Every single person in the room wanted the recipe. I made my most favorite food for 2 friends who had babies. They loved it and I love the person I am in those moments–confident and happy.

Speaking the words that is true to my heart…that’s been a part of the journey as well. Often I want to speak or write to someone in distress…words of encouragement or even just to say anything out loud to anyone. I’ve been too unsure of myself to speak what’s on my heart. I discovered when I do, I actually have a gift with words. A gift I never knew I had. A gift I cherish and desire not to misuse. When I speak from my heart, I found my kindred spirits and I have been blessed with true friendships.

Living “out loud”….especially my green environmental hippie artsy sort of ways. Those things have always interested me, but I’ve never embraced it. I always said, “when you live in Alaska, you wouldn’t take up surfing as a hobby”. Pretty lame excuse…”When in Rome, do as Romans do”. So, I live in a very un-green, redneck country, but a Japanese girl will never make a good cowgirl. So, I might as well not even try. In the next few months, I am going to start recycling, grow my own sprouts and basil, paint my front door red and add a mosaic design around it.

I don’t want this change to be just a season of my life. So, I am embracing it slowly taking baby steps. I want it to be a life style change that will be richer every passing moment. I can’t wait to get old….to see the person that I am meant to be. But I intend to take a long time savoring each moment finding myself along the way. I am seeing that when I am honest with myself and live as I am meant to be, those are the moments I meet and discover some true gems…and they give you wings to keep on soaring in the right direction. I am truly grateful for those wonderful human beings that I call “friends”.

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