Introduction

I left the prairies for the ocean 4 months ago.  Dust is settling, but I have felt lately that I am giving myself a quiet slow burial in order to 'fit in'.  I am burying the things that make me who I am.   Is it because I am a peace maker and a people pleaser?  I do know though, if I want to find kindred spirits, I have to be true to myself and live it out.  Why is it so difficult some days?  I don't know if this makes sense at all, but here is my introduction.  This is me.  I needed to remind myself,  because somedays, I feel like I am fading away.   

My name is Makiko.  My friends call me Kiko.   I like the ocean, so I am happy that I moved here but I left many many good friends behind in Alberta.  I like to cook really great food.  I like ethnic food.  I like good red wine and microbrew beer.  Dark stuff.  I get annoyed when men don't offer me beer.  My most favorite moment is when I can share carefully prepared food with good friends while sipping a glass of red.  Maybe I will play my favorite jazz or Samba in the background.  Some friends bring instrunments to my house and I like that.

I like artsy stuff.  I have tried my hands at many art mediums.  Painting, pottery, mosaic to name a few.    I have taught myself to sew.  I was surprised I was pretty good at it--Good enough that people wanted to buy what I made.  

I like music.  I actually have a music degree.  I like singing in a choir.  I have enjoyed touring with choirs and being challenged musically.  I have also been  in musicals.  I like being on the stage as long as I am not alone.

  As an adult, I am proud to have attained a brown belt in Shotokan Karate and learned to jog as far as 10km.  But don't drag me to play any team sports.  I catch like a girl and I throw like one too.  

I love dogs.  I love the nature and animals.  I would rather be on the hiking trails near my house with my dogs than in a mall any day.  I do like to look at pretty things though.  If you come to my house, you will see some pretty things.  I don't buy random pretty things though.  Ask me about anything in my house.  Most things have some stories behind them.  I hang onto things with sentimental value.  I like vintage glass.  Bright colors in 60's style.  

I value my family, friends and my faith.  I like my alone time but am not very good at being alone.  I don't like eating alone or going to movies alone.  I like photography.  Something I'd like to invest more time in.  I dream of living in a strawbale house.   I like foreign movies.  

I would love to travel.  I would love to see the world.  So far, I haven't had much chance to do that.  One day.  Italy, Spain and Greece intrigue me.  I like history and art.  I like hearing people tell stories.  I like stories of the land I've never seen.   I like old people's stories.  Stories you can't read in history books.   

I'm a pretty good company.  I've been told I am a good listener and have a wicket sense of humor.  I will try anything once and I am not stuck inside a box.  I am a loyal friend.  

You wanna hang out sometime?

A Long Walk on the Beach that Failed

My new home in BC is less than a kilometer from the beach called Maple Bay.  It is one of the most beautiful places in the world.  It's peaceful.  There are no words to describe how amazing it is to live here.  I try to make the best of it.  I try to get down there for long walks as much as I can.  Today was no exception.

It was after school.  I picked up the girls and decided they could use a cold drink.  So we went to the corner store for 'slushes' and drove down to the Maple Bay beach.

We unleashed the dogs and walked down the beach.  Girls are enjoying their rare treats as they told me about the a cappella group that came to perform at the school.  Sun is shining.  Water is cool.  Rowing club is training on the water.  All in all, it is a very good day.

My middle child is running ahead with the dogs.  "Come on  guys!  Hurry up!!"  She is beaming.  She wants to show me the tree she climbed the last time she was here with her dad.  I wave.  As I get closer, I see her frowning.  "Mommy, I got to go....oh wait, I am already going....."   By the time I have caught up to her she was drenched, no chance of turning back and a little embarrassed.  I tell her to go in the ocean and get her clothes wet.  I burst out laughing.  She laughs.  She is wading in the water laughing.

The oldest turns to me and says nonchalantly , "well, I got to go too...." and drops her pants and goes on the beach.  Fortunately, she know how to do this without getting herself wet.  I see a lady with a dog in the distance.  She pulls her pants up quickly and all is well.

I sat on a drift wood to take in the beauty of my world.   Sailboats are bobbing on the sparkling water.  It's so beautiful.  I breathe in deeply.  I love the smell of salty air.  That is when the youngest said, "Mommy, I got to go number two".  "No, you don't"  I dismissed her.  She is the youngest.  The copy cat.  She has to do everything the older sisters are doing.  I have taken many trips to the bathroom when it was 'urgent' but with nothing to show for.  "I really do have to go, mommy"  "Okay, if you do have to go that bad, take off your pants and do it."  She is starting to take off her shorts, forgetting that she has a pair of sneakers on.  The pants get tangled with shoes and she is falling, rolled up like a ball with her bare bottoms hanging out.  I tell her she should take off her shoes first.  She gets up laughing and pulls up her pants.  She says, "I actually don't have to go".  See, I knew it.  Copy cat.  We start to walk again.  Two seconds later, she has to go again.  Okay, if you really have to go, you know what to do.  This time she takes off her shoes and pants and she is squatting.  She DID have to go.  Real bad.  I think it was the 'slushie' that gave her the runs.   Oh dear God.  I have no tissue.  I used up the last poop bag.  I tell her to put her clothes back on and we will give her a bath at home.  She is obeying me beautifully.

I am looking for some drift wood to scoop up the 'number two'.  That is when Penny, our 6 months old weimaraner puppy jumps off the tree and lands right in my child's poop and starts eating it.  I chase the dog into the ocean and grab the nearest tree bark and successfully scoop up everything and toss it into the ocean. I even had enough time to gain my composure back to say a friendly hello to that lady with a dog in passing.

"Good thing I love you guys so much".  We laughed until it hurt.  It WAS a good day after all.

May 5th, 2012

It's been over 2 weeks since Scott left Alberta to start his new work in Duncan.  It will be 2 months before we will join him there.  He is meeting new people, jumping into his job with both feet and enjoying it immensely.  Scott was offered a place to stay with an older couple just outside of Duncan.  The water is just a short walk away.

On the home front, it has been a constant reminder of the love and community we are gifted with.  I have cut back to working half time, which still means getting everyone ready and out the door before 8 am.  This can be a big challenge for a night owl like me.  My two girls are in school,  while Tori gets to hang out with my dear friend, Ranae who loves her as her own.  I have a dear lady who drops off homemade loaves for me every now and then with a sweet note.  Another reminder that I am not forgotten.  Two friends knocked on my door yesterday morning to tell me they are raking and cleaning my front yard.  A bucketload of beautifully cooked mussels were dropped off just for me.  "I am at Costco, do you need anything?"  Play dates and dinner invitations.  I am loved.  I am part of this beautiful community.

We picked up our beautiful Weimaraner puppy, "Penny" a week ago.  It's been a challenging and rewarding time trying to train her.  It's crazy but we love it.  We are starting to notice her great potential.  She has also become a good distraction while Scott is away.

I am starting to pack our stuff and get organized.  I am planning two road trips.  One is to Princeton, BC to join Scott for Young Life National Conference and another to see my best friend, Bonnah in Flin Flon, Manitoba.  I spent the last evening in Drumheller with the cast of 'Joseph'.  We shared a meal and hiked up the hill which takes you to the top of a small ski hill.  Standing on the top of the world with good friends looking over the vast valley of the beautiful Badland while the full moon came up.  I have always loved the badland.  I realized then that it will be a long time before I can return to see this beautiful sight.  I am trying to take in all the beauty of Alberta, not taking it for granted.  Last night was the perfect way to remember the badland.  It was an incredible night.  I was once again reminded of all the beautiful gifts.  My life is simple, but I love it.  I would not trade it for all the riches of this world.

April 7th, 2012

It's been a long while since I posted anything here. I am still alive and well. Popped by here several times trying to write something. It just didn't feel right, but I am just going to do it anyways. It will just be a post with some updates.

Since the last post, lots have happened. The biggest news here is we are moving. We are leaving this little prairie town for the ocean. We are moving to Vancouver Island, Duncan area to be exact. Scott has a new job with a non-profit organization called Young Life. It is a Christian organization which works with teens. I think he will be fantastic at it. Since we got the news of his acceptance in the late fall last year, we have been busy. Scott has been raising financial support, fixing up the house to sell, and being a fantastic house husband while I have gone back to work.

It looks like Scott will be leaving mid April to start his work out there. Right now, he is busy fixing his motorbike so he can ride it over the mountains.....a 1973 Honda CB 750. I will stay here with the girls until the end of June so they can finish the school year here. I will continue to work half days and a friend has graciously offered to look after Tori while I go to work.

As I look to the next 2 months of 'insanity', I am overwhelmed by complete peace and confidence. I have absolutely no worries. I know girls and I will miss Scott, but I also know that we are surrounded by friends who have eagerly told us to 'put their number on speed-dial'. I am confident all things will work out. All in good time.

This past winter, my oldest daughter Maya and I were involved in a theatre production in our community. We have just finished two weeks of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat" performances. I have enjoyed every minute of it. I am just catching my breath and enjoying the evening off which I have not had since we started the practice back in January. The production was received well by the community. We made new friends and great memories.

Our next big item to report--we are getting a puppy. A female Weimaraner puppy will join our family in 3 weeks! This is terribly exciting. She is coming to us from a good friend who breeds weimaraners in a town about 45 minutes away. When Bootsy died last summer, I said, "I will never get a puppy" and "I will never have two dogs at the same time". Never say never. It's been a really long time since I trained a pup (14 years). I have gotten Caesar Millan and Brad Pattison books from the library and spending my spare time reading them. I also watched some Youtube video on Caesar. The first episode I watched was about this 'demon chihuahua'. Not too sure what I think of his methods yet. He is good, but not too many actually methods are being explained. I am going to spend lots of time with my pup. I want her to be a good dog. Hopefully, she will be my jogging partner.

Speaking of jogging, I have been jogging again. This winter, I was lazy. So going back into jogging has been very challenging. I feel good though. I run 5 kilometers each time I run.

I plan to do some sewing when Scott leaves for BC. I bought tons of awesome fabric last year and they just sat in my basement. I am hoping to make a bunch of bags again and sell them before I leave town. I will keep you posted.

I am terribly excited and a bit scared about the future. I spent the last 20 years here. I am ready though. I will miss my dear friends, but we are confident this is the path we are supposed to take. We have seen little 'signs' along the way to encourage us and to confirm we are on the right path. I also know that I will meet new friends. There are good people everywhere we go. I will go with open hearts. Of course, when I hit the grocery store in Duncan and there is no one to talk to, I might melt into a puddle of tears.

Now, we just need to sell our house. I am hoping to find a job in a school-- a job working with kids with developmental disabilities. Something I believe I am good at and have done for a long time. I have exchanged some emails with people out there. We will see what happens. We are having fun looking through real estate listings as well.

We will keep you posted.

This Morning in My Kitchen....

Poor men. Sorry we put you up to this all the time. ;)

Makiko: (emerges from the bedroom dressed in jeans. After months of exercising, she thinks the jeans are fitting better)

"How Do I look?"

Scott: (Oblivious to her inner thoughts, fixing lunch for the kids in the kitchen. After a quick glance.)

"You look fine"

Makiko: (gives him the *stink eye)

"I mean, HOW DO I LOOK?" (now, the capital letters mean louder voice)

Scott: (stops his hands and takes another look)

"I mean, your hair needs to be combed, but you look fine"

After a little silence......

Makiko: "DO I LOOK SKINNY?"

Scott: (disappears for 2 seconds, runs back into the kitchen, with hands up in the air, gives Makiko a man hug, wide eyed)

"HOLY SMOKES! LOOK AT YOU!? YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE! LOOK AT YOUR SKINNY LITTLE WAIST!!!!!!!!!"

Scott & Makiko: Burst out laughing......

Another Epic Fail Moment

It's September and officially my garden zucchini production has become an annoyance than a joy. After staring at a huge mountain of yellow zucchinis and pattypan squash for a week, I finally decided to make zucchini loaves to put in my freezer.......at 10:30 at night.

Now, I do not own a food processor. My little food grinder broke last winter. So I am left with a cheese grinder. I start shredding my zucchinis by hand--the old fashion way.

Scott walks into the kitchen. "Do you want me to help you with something?"

"Oh sure". "Would you mind just starting the batter while I shred these? I can take over and finish later"

So he cheerfully starts on the loaf batter. This recipe makes two loaves. I have one loaf pan. Each loaf takes 1hr to bake. You do the math. While the first cake is in the oven, we decided to pick a movie on Netflix to pass the time. Scott picks a movie. He assures me it's a light comedy. I don't like it and I told him so. Without a word of complaint, he starts up another movie which is more girl-friendly.

I remember the first 10 minutes of the movie and I was gone. Fast asleep. I don't remember anything after that.

Next morning, I woke up. Scott had gone to work already as usual (he's usually gone before 7). I walk into the kitchen. I saw two beautiful zucchini loaves politely sitting on my kitchen counter.

This makes me either the biggest jerk or the luckiest woman on the entire planet....or maybe both.

Bootsy 2 days before she died.

Tears catch me off guard. They come at most unexpected times. The alarm clock shows 3:35 am. Even the clock is sleepy. I lay awake and remember she is not here. Tears come. I take an extra long shower and let the tears come.

13 years is a long time, but death always comes too soon. We buried a good friend yesterday. I had to think real hard to know what day it was. Somehow, in our sorrow, it feels like forever ago. It was only yesterday. I am trying hard to wrap my mind around it.

Bootsy had a massive seizure. 4 days later, she died in her sleep as the new day was about to be born. During those 4 days, we tried to keep her comfortable as we kept our chins and hopes up. Maya is away in Japan. "Can you hang in there until Maya comes home?" "But if you have to go, we understand". She would sit in front of our house in the shade of poplar trees and watch the world go by. She would wag her tail and try to get up to greet us, but after two days, the light in her eyes gone and she is distant.

Scott woke me up to tell me it's time to say good bye. We held her lifeless body and told her what a good dog she has been. I tell her I am sorry when I was too busy for her or I got annoyed with her. I touch her silky ears and try to remember how they felt in my hands. I bury my nose in her beautiful golden fur and wish the time would stop. I take her paws into mine for one last touch. It's always too soon.

Our other dog Ranger at Bootsy's grave

Scott took her to the top of a rolling hill and put her to rest, right beside our friend Zippy. He came home saturated in tears and sweat. "The only regret I have is I didn't sleep with her that night". During the 4 days, I would often find him sitting beside her gently stroking her and talking to her for a long time. Man's best friend. Silent and Loyal. She was gracious and faithful until the end. The last conscious thing she did was to get up and greet me when I returned home.

Flowers for Bootsy

13 years is a long time, but death always comes too soon. Tonight, we went to visit her grave. A beautiful spot. I can see her running through the tall grass. Poking her head out every now and then to check on me. She can smell the gophers and prairie chickens. She is grinning. tail wagging. Flood of memories. I let the tears come.

"If it hurts so much, why would you get a dog?", I've been asked.

Because you are their whole world.

Rest in Peace, beautiful girl. Thank you for the wonderful 13 years together.

Becoming a Canadian

I was 14 when I fell in love with this 'strong and free' country. I became a Canadian 14 years after that, in the summer of 2000. When I go to the United States, people often tell me that I 'act and speak like a Canadian'. I take it as a compliment. I love Canada. I am proud to be a Canadian.

Coming from a country with a long history (2,670 years to be exact) and a strong sense of culture and heritage, being a Canadian can give me a sense of identity crisis. Today is Canada Day. We celebrate 144 years of Canada being a self-governed country. I typed in google: Canada's national food. The first hit: Ginger Beef. Second: Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding. I laughed but was not surprised. People say, Canadians are so nice and friendly and that we say "sorry" a lot. I know it is a dangerous task to generalize a whole nation of people--all 33,739,900 of us, but I tend to believe that. A few years ago I was walking through a crowded IKEA store. I kept bumping into people with my cart. It was my fault. But every one of those people I bumped into said, "sorry" to me. I fell in love with Canada all over again--in IKEA.

When I became a Canadian, I had to learn its history, culture, geography and politics. The immigration department sent me a little booklet to study. "You must write and pass the citizenship test in order to become a Canadian citizen", the letter stated. I learned about fur trade, Confederation, John A. McDonald, parliament government system and even memorized the words to O Canada, our national anthem. I nervously walked into a government building to write the test. 5 questions total. Multiple choice. One of the questions stated: What is the emblem on the Canadian flag? Options: 1) Eagle, 2) Maple leaf, 3) Rainbow, 4) Beaver, 5) Queen Elizabeth. I passed the test with flying colors and proceeded into a crowded court room for the official ceremony. I looked around to see people representing many countries all over the world. Young and old. Some seemed emotional. I realized then, that this 'strong and free' country has so much to offer to so many of them in that court room that day. I wondered what story they have to tell. I am sure many of them had lost everything, escaped danger and gave up so much to get where I was. I recently met a woman who has not seen her children in 16 years and and another who lost her family farm in order to pay the bribery--all in order to come to Canada. I know no such hardships. I do not know war or poverty. I was in that court room simply because I married a Canadian. I did not have to give up anything. While witnessing the emotions in the room, I fell in love with Canada all over again. Hope and freedom it gives to so many. Open arms and open doors to those who have lost everything. I love this country. I am proud to be a Canadian.

The ceremony proceeded and the judge spoke about 'Canadian pride'. Cultural Diversity. That's our pride. He read off the countries represented in that court room that day. There were at least 20 countries represented. I saw beautiful women in Saris. Turbans and hanbok. The judge gave us each a paper Canadian flag. He brought an old tape recorder with a sound track for O Canada, which we sang proudly together. After finishing our singing, he flipped the cassette and played the other side which was "O Canada" in French. We all looked stunned and watched in silence as the judge sang alone with the cassette. It was quirky and sweet. Nothing fancy and majestic. We shook hands with people around us and left the court room.

Maya--Japan Bound

I just booked a plane ticket for Maya to go visit her grandparents in Japan this summer. She is ecstatic. 2 years ago, when this idea came up, and she was absolutely against it. Now, she has a permanent grin on her face and every now and then, she would say, "Thanks for letting me go to Japan, Mom". My heart is excited and terrified all at the same time. She is growing up faster than my heart would allow. I am so proud of her bravery. I am proud of her because I can trust her to take on such a big adventure at such a young age.

To be honest, I have not done a good job of teaching my children about their Japanese heritage. I don't speak Japanese to them. My kids cannot, for the life of them, use chopsticks. They are Canadians, through and through. Since she was very little, Maya has always wanted to go to Japan. The desire is so intense--more than just a little kid wanting to go to an amusement park or an ice cream shop. I could sense that she really wanted to know this part of herself --like a missing piece of the puzzle. I never knew if it was ever going to be possible for our family to go, but always hoped she could go while she is still young.

Although I am absolutely overwhelmed to let my little girl get on a plane all by herself to cross the ocean, I feel in my gut this is the right time and it will be an amazing opportunity.

Someone asked me the other day, when I was in Japan last. I responded, "oh about 10 years ago....in 1993". Wait a minute, that's 18 years ago! Sometimes, I long for the intense heat of the summer. I dream of showing my girls the Japanese countryside I grew up in. Catching cicadas and praying mantas and listening to the crickets at night. Going to get fresh peaches and fish that were just harvested/caught in the morning. The Hustle and bustle of the city centre. Food stands and fireworks.

What will Maya see? Who will she meet? I wonder if she will meet my neighbor who let me borrow the book, "Never Ending Story"? I am sure so much has changed but so much are still the same. As much as I want to be there to take her down my memory lane, I am glad she gets to go on her own. She will go without mom's agenda. She is free to decide what she wants to see and to experience Japan in ways that are meaningful to her.

We will look for books about Japan and make a list of things she wants to see and do. So far, she wants to go to Tokyo Disneyland. :) Maybe I might even give her a crash course on the language and how to use chopsticks.

Summer Activity List

The Summer Vacation is upon us. In order to keep my children occupied and happy, I thought I'd make a list of activities so we won't be sitting around going...."mom, we are bored!!" Here is my list. I am trying to keep it simple and cheap and yet fun. Living in a small town requires some creativity....and that is okay.

* Make postcards and send them to friends near and far

-this helps us keep connected to our friends. It will make friends happy. Encourages creativity as we will be making them. It will help kids learn how to address letters and learn to write and spell better.

*Make Tinfoil Hats

-just because. It's silly. It's fun. It's cheap.

*Splash Park

-because there is a new one in town and it's free. Also try the one in near by towns

*Library

-because they have air conditioning. My girls love reading.

*Take care of our flower & vegetable gardens

-Share the loot with neighbors and friends

*Sprinkler under the trampoline

-So so fun!

*Sleep on the trampoline

-I might regret saying this.....

*Cook with each of the kids

-So they can make a meal from start to finish.

*Giant Bubble Experiment

-found here

*Set up Maya's loom

-seriously, in 2 years, she made 2 projects because I'm too lazy to set it up for her.

*Study Constellation

-maybe we can do this while we are driving down to the States.

*Use our fire pit often

-gives us time for slow down visiting time

*Rag Curls...

-because they are girls and school nights don't allow this often.

*Go to the OCEAN

-Oregon coast....we are coming!

*Learn to play Yatzee

-I bought it a year ago and we still haven't opened it.

*Homemade ice cream

-dust off the old ice cream maker

*Family Movie Night

-my goal is to actually stay awake for the whole movie....

*Teach girls sewing

-I have my heart set on making these hats for my girls in the next week to welcome them to summer vacation.

*Lemonade Stand

-It's the symbol of childhood summer memory

*Go to the river

-because it is the closest thing to the ocean here and we love it there.

*Make friendship bracelets

-You just have to when you got girls.

*Looking forward to the lazy summer days.....Come by and join us in our adventure*

Almost 4.

4 seems so much bigger than 3. As she masters more skills and takes pride in her independence, there is a feeling of relief and panic mixed in one. Relief that she doesn't need me to do everything for her, but panic because like water, the childhood is running through my fingers.
I always wanted 3 kids. And there she was. She is nothing like her older sisters. She is spirited. She is unpredictable. To be honest, she has been the one that has most frequently challenged my patience and made me question my ability as a mother.
But perhaps because of her, I will be more patient. I will be more accepting of the unexpected. She will make me a better mother.

Ironic.

Mismatched socks. Fairy wings. A pair of silver mary janes. She takes me by the hand to shows me the world through so much innocence and excitement.

"Look mommy, Robins!"

"I love these flowers, mommy!"

"Worms!!!"
The world is a beautiful place through the eyes of a toddler.
This past year, two of our good friends became very ill. Tori was the one to pray for them. Everyday. Every chance she's got. She said some profound things in her prayers. We saw miracles and they are now healed and well.
It is a beautiful thing to watch your childen make this world a better place by just being who they are. I hope my eyes are open to see it, instead of focusing on the troubles and inconveniences.

I think tomorrow, we will walk to the park and I will push her on a swing high up in the air to hear her belly giggles.

Spring--Here to Stay!?

Yesterday, I finally went outside with my camera in search of spring. It's been a very long winter. The last few months, I have been in survival mode. Not the best place to be. I am glad spring is here. Mosquitos are terrible, but I hope to get outside as much as I can. Renewed desire to live with a heart full of joy and excitement for life. Life is beautiful. I am glad that being a mother forces me to slow down, helping me appreciate beauty of life which goes so often unnoticed.

Dogs

My friends' dog is dying. This particular dog has been a part of our family for several years now. 'Zippy' would come stay with us when his owners were away. I personally had never had a close encounter with border collies until I met Zippy. I always found his neuroticism rather entertaining. Zippy is such a 'homebody' he hated being away from his home and owners. He pouted and went on hunger strikes when he came to my house. Once I found him sitting up on Maya's bed with his snout pressed into the corner of the wall.....pouting. He has this uncontrollable urge to howl at the train. He loved chasing bubbles. Eventually, he accepted us. We loved having him around. When we got the word that he has aggressive cancer, we went over to say 'good-bye' to him as a family. Today, he will go to doggie heaven. I asked my friend, "is it weird to choose when he will go?"--playing 'god'.....strange.

When I was a child, the only thing I ever wanted was a dog. We finally got our first dog when I turned 15--a female Golden Retriever. She died when she was 2 years old. Poisoned from eating the grass saturated in pesticides. There were several dogs in the neighborhood that died from the same thing that year. The city neglected to inform the residents when they sprayed the weeds around town. I went to see my friends while my parents went to retrieve her lifeless body from the vet....to avoid it altogether. I was a teenager who did not know how to express my feelings. By the time I returned home, she had been cremated and gone. I never got the chance to say good-bye. My mom told me how she cut all the flowers from her garden to put around her in the box she was laying in. The regret I felt that day has been with me for a long time. Watching Zippy struggle to his feet to greet me brought it all back.

Silent and loyal. You are their whole world. Dogs spend most of their life waiting for us to come home. They shower us with unconditional love and teach us what it means to be alive.

I woke up with a knot in my stomach. Today is the day. I know he wasn't our dog, but he was a big part of our lives. We will miss him. My girls cried when I told them about the cancer. I cried as I listened to my friend talk about how he plans to say good bye. I am glad Zippy will not be in pain anymore. Please do not argue with me whether dogs go to heaven or not right now. I know heaven is a beautiful place, but why is it so difficult and painful? I try to imagine Zippy running towards the sunset through heaven's meadow filled with flowers. It's beautiful. Rest in Peace, Zippy. It's been a wonderful adventure. I'm glad we became friends.

Lately

During the month of March into April, I have been consumed with "Guys and Dolls". I have *reluctantly* jumped into the world of community theatre. 3 months ago, when the director asked me if I would consider taking a part in this production, my reaction was "theatre isn't my thing, I have never acted before". Now I love it. I have a small role as one of the hotbox dancers. It's a fun role. We get to act all giddy and sassy. We get to sing and dance. I don't have any speaking part, so it's a good way to get introduced to the world of community theatre. I have been getting to know some great people which has been fun as well.

We have just finished one week of performances which have been well received and fun to perform. At the same time though, sacrifices had to be made by my family. I am forever thankful for the understanding and the patience Scott and girls shower me with daily. I do not think I have heard one word of complaint from them. Instead, they are excited for me and they are my biggest fans. It's like this. Scott comes home and we may have 5 minutes of exchanging few words and I head out, I come home after 11:00pm and by then everyone is in bed. Scott is off to work early so I usually don't get to see him in the morning. In times like this, I am reminded of what an amazing man he is and how strong our marriage has become over the years. Last week, he called me before coming home to ask me just this, "what can I do when I get home?" On this particular day, he had been working since 5:00am. He never makes me feel bad about coming home late or being away all the time, which puts my heart at ease and I am able to enjoy what I do. I hope I can be like that also. To encourage and to be supportive of all that Scott does. I was thrilled to be able to send Scott on a little trip today. Some good friends were going away to the nearby city to check out a motorcycle swap. So, I talked the guys into inviting Scott to come along. He was thrilled.

I love it when Scott and I are willing to sacrifice our needs for the sake of the other. We are willing to cover for each other instead of pointing fingers at each other. No blame shifting game. I thought we were best friends when we married, but after almost 15 years, it just keeps getting better. How can that be? I am grateful. I never thought it possible to love someone as much as I love my man friend.

Beautiful People

I have not looked at these photos in a very long time. These pictures are almost 20 years old. I have not told the story of how it all began -- how I fell in love with these beautiful people.

My mother's younger sister, my aunt Yoshiko has developmental disabilities. I do not know all the details of what her disability is or how she became disabled. Growing up, we used to go visit my grandma twice a year. I did not know how to interact with my aunt. Fear of unknown, perhaps. Different. Was I scared? No, I don't think so. My aunt is the most gentle person. But I remember this awkwardness. I knew I was to be kind to her, but didn't know how. My aunt does not speak. She makes these grunting noises. As far as I know, she never went to school. I have never seen her leave the house. She wore diapers.
When I was in college, I decided to spend two summers working at Upward Bound Camp in Oregon State. It is a camp for persons with special needs. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I knew I was supposed to be there. Knowing that I was supposed to be there did not make it any easier for me. Many times, I wanted to quit. But this is where I fell in love with these beautiful people. People who live with developmental and physical disabilities. The work was hard. Majorities of our tasks were looking after the campers' daily physical needs, such as hygiene, medication and assisting them with their meals. It was while changing soiled diapers of a grown woman and holding a drool covered hand of a man, I saw my pride. Filthy pride....but they showed me what love was. They did not judge me. We became friends and made wonderful memories together. We went fishing and hiking together. We skipped rocks in the river.

"Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action."
-Mother Teresa-

Here I am almost 20 years later, I am beginning to understand the meaning of the mother Teresa quote. I work with individuals with developmental disabilities in my community now. "Making Room"....this is what I am hired to do. Community inclusion. Giving them the best possible quality of life. Helping them find their gifts and abilities. Helping them fulfill their dreams.

I know it wasn't my aunt's fault that she never went out. There was no room in the community. The society doesn't want to acknowledge their existence. The society doesn't know what to do with them. In many countries, these people are sent away to orphanages and institutions to die.

What if my aunt had the chance to go to school and learn to read and to write? What if she had the chance to go fishing and go camping? What if someone had taken the time to find out what her dreams were and helped her fulfill them? I know my grandma loved her. I know my mother loved her. But what if.....

Things are so much better now here in Canada. There are programs, supports, organizations available to help individuals with disabilities have the quality of life they deserve. But I want to ask each of us to look into our hearts. Be honest. When we see a person with disabilities, what is in your heart? Do we pity them? Ignore them? Judge them? Avoid them? Are we uncomfortable? Programs alone aren't going to give them the best life possible. They need a community around them. People who will support them and help them achieve their dreams. They need friends just as we need friends. Will you be that person to someone with disability?

Today is World Down Syndrome Day. This is a day set aside to promote awareness and understanding towards people with Down Syndrome. I am asking myself, "what tangible things can I do to seek a better quality of life for individuals with Down Syndrome (or any other disabilities) in my life?" --Even if I was not hired to do so. And what motivates me to do this? I do not want to be motivated by pride or pity. I do not do this because it makes me feel better about myself. If that's what motivates me, I might as well just go home and forget about it. It isn't something 'special' we are doing. We do this because we are all humans.

A small gesture. Kind words. Making room in your life. It means the world to them when your actions are motivated by love. And I promise you, you will be blessed and changed forever.

Please take a moment to read this post by my friend Krista. As a part of World Down Syndrome Day, she is asking us to give towards adoption grant (through Reese's Rainbow) for a little boy named Bennett. Reese's Rainbow is an organization which promotes and provides support for international adoption of children with Down Syndrome. I have decided to support Krista's effort by giving away some of my handmade bags as incentives for you to give. PLEASE check it out and consider giving.