Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Thinking Out Loud

I've been trying to write something on here for months. In fact, I have about 5 posts deleted half way and 3 that are saved and not published. I feel scattered and not with it. It's like running a marathon without training for it. Life has been like that lately. Even though we try our best to not get too busy, there always seems to be something. I guess I can count them as blessings. We have friends, a community where I feel very much a part of and an active family. But sometimes it's nice to be able to hear myself think, instead of hearing impatience in my voice as I hustle my kids from one place to another.

Initially, this blog was started after much encouragement from a small number of friends who have read my writing. Most of my earlier writings were based on my memory of special events or my 'deep thoughts'. Later, I started adding some updates on my creative stuff and nice photos I took. I never wanted to bore anyone with my day to day mundaneness. With the presence of online social networking available to us, our lives are rather exposed. I can find out what most of my friends had for breakfast by a click of a mouse or satisfy myself with the delusion that I have 'socialized' without leaving the house or seeing anyone. It's fun and yet intrusive. It's perfect though, right? (*insert sarcasm here*) We are all so busy with our activities and families. We have no time for each other.......This goes against everything I believe! I have always never wanted to be 'too busy' to share a cup of tea with a friend, or 'too busy' to help a person in need. I wanted myself and my home to be available and open to anyone that may pass through. Old friends, new friends and strangers. I want to be able to say "hi, how are you?" and actually take time to listen to the answer.

I have also been thinking lately a lot about the 'online image'. I read many blogs, mostly of artsy people that I don't know. Their work and lives inspire me in my artsy stuff. Most of these blogs have beautiful photographs and inspiring writings. Children running through a forest with the most gorgeous handmade dresses and playing with beautiful wooden toys. I am drawn to a life like that. I can't help though, wondering if their lives are really like that. I mean it really is easy to create an image of myself on here as I want to. I can take photos of my children when I am doing some inspiring activities with them and a little help from the photoshop. It's easy for me to mislead you to think that I am this super mom that does all these creative things with them. It's an easy trap for any of us. But I desire to be real. I desire to be "what you see is what you get". Nothing more, nothing less. I am a woman who struggle in my day to day stuff. I get impatient with my kids. Somedays, I wake up thinking where along the way have I lost myself? I look in the mirror and see an empty shell not recognizing what I see.

I am trying to recognize that weaknesses and mistakes are okay. I need to make that into something tangible so I can use them as fuel or even the inspiration to reach something greater and wonderful. When I regret what I said to my kids or how I treated them, I must acknowledge that to move forward.
I am writing all of this to say I am going to write more often of boring stuff on here. It's going to be more like a journal. I may even pretend that I don't have an audience. There, that was long and well, ....boring.


Alicia said...

I love the real you Makiko!
& hearing you on this blog is not even close to sharing a big pot of tea and laughing at life together.
Looking forward to reading more.
Thank you for this post I really needed to read it today!

Di said...

Hello! I look forward to your journal of daily life (that's really all my blog is too - a reminder to me of what I've been doing these past 4 years). And virtual friends, whilst not real, can be a great source of as you say, inspiration and support!

To many more stories of the everyday!

kiko said...

Di, You are my favorite virtual friend....although I know you are real and not just a figment of my imagination :)

Lola said...

yay, I know the real you so the virtual you will just be an extension of that. Can't wait to see the girls a little more because I miss them like crazy.

RootAndTwig said...

Kiko! I'm glad you shared this. I feel this way, too. (None of us can compare to Soulemama. I'm certain she must have her bad days, but no one will ever know...) :)
Be yourself. You are so wonderful! If you're yourself, then we will all feel free to be ourselves, too! I've absolutely never thought that you were trying to make an 'image' of yourself here.
And PLEASE come have tea with me!!!!

Bobbi said...

BOOOOOORRING!!!! lmao....JUST kidding!!! Not at all boring Makiko:) I thought it was lovely! I hope you keep it up! I do hear what you are saying about socializing online, although I must say as someone who lives 25 minutes from everywhere, I do love my virtual's filling a need at this time in life. If I met a neighbor, usually it's to return their run away horse, or accepting their kindness of getting me out of a ditch:)

Krista said...

What are you saying about my last post Makiko? Just kidding, I am gonig to try and not take it personally. I don't know if you could ever be boring though, even when you are real.

Marissa said...

Can I say that I am one of those people who love the "boring" blogs? I mostly only read friends blogs and I love hearing about their lives and what they are learning and doing. That is when I feel most encouraged...granted it isn't the same as being together in person but still for is a connection to the many people that I love. I do like getting artistic inspiration from some of those blogs you describe every so often but they never seem real to me and I just don't have the same connection....sometimes I fear that with my own blog...I don't really see how I could look like I have a put together life of perfect bliss and beauty but sometimes I worry about it.
Anyways, the longest comment ever to simply say thanks for sharing this!

just sayin' said...

That is the wonderful thing about a blog.It can be whatever you want it to be. The media really is a wonderful thing. There is such a thing as too busy but sometimes we are not too busy but don't want company. it's nice to be able to connect on here even if it's just for a few minutes. i just shared with you and you shared with me. It's a good thing! (Martha Stewart does NOT own that phrase!LOL)